Reading Reflection Week Eleven

BG 13-14

It is the three gunas born of prakriti -- sattva, rajas, and tamas -- that bind the immortal Self to the body. Sattva -- pure, luminous, and free from sorrow -- binds us with attachment to happiness and wisdom (14.5-6)

When I first was reading about the gunas, I was expecting to hear about how I could achieve sattva, the highest level, but then I read,

The wise see clearly that all action is the work of the gunas. Knowing that which is above the gunas, they enter into union with me (14.19)

At first I thought, after Krishna just described how “When sattva predominates, the light of wisdom shines through every gate of the body” (14.11), why would we want to disconnect ourselves from that? It sounds great! But then I began to remember how the gunas are changing states of mind and “Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind” (Sutras 1.02). Whoops. 

When I reflected further on what could be greater than sattva, I recalled an interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter (don’t judge me) with Stephen Colbert. If you aren’t familiar with his story, he lost his dad and two oldest brothers in a plane crash when he was ten. In talking about this experience, he brought up happiness and joy. Paraphrasing their conversation:

COLBERT Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God... but Joy can be hard. Joy is not the same thing as happiness. I think happiness is overrated. I really do.

OPRAH: I’d rather be joyful than happy any day

COLBERT: Happiness can be really facile. I’d rather be sad with the people [I] love ... because that’s real.

While happiness is appealing, it depends on what happens to you everyday. Joy is a constant state of being as opposed to a changing state of mind. When you have joy, it is because you have knowledge of something greater than your own self. I think without joy, you will always be subject to what happens to you. You will have no freedom in your life because you will just be a center of action and reaction. In a sense, joy is an escape from that cycle. As Parker Palmer illustrated in his book, Let Your Life Speak, joy is like a river hidden beneath the ice of your existence. It is flowing unaffected by the changing seasons of your life, even the dark, cold winters. 

Asana Practice Week Ten

I have been having one of those weeks where it is very difficult to fall asleep at night. All my tricks -- podcasts, reading books, rolling over more times than I can count -- have not been working. So I got desperate, and thought of the yoga techniques we have learning over this semester. I thought about how Dr. Schultz said she does some poses when she cannot sleep. But alas, I forgot which poses she said and I am too comfortable in my bed (and lazy) to get up. So I moved to another technique that we have talked about: breathing! 

I started to focus on my breathing, counting down from ten as I inhaled and exhaled. Contrary to my contorted, fetus-like position that I normally sleep in, I laid flat on black, with my arms next to my sides. I kept repeating the breathing and the counting until I finally drifted off and fell asleep. It was very similar to the experience I have at the end of class when I seamlessly move from laying down on the mat to being semi-conscious. Thankfully, this technique has given me a few extra hours of sleep this week. 

Reading Response Week Ten

Bhagavad Gita Ch. 11-12

The two chapters in BG, Divine Splendor and Way of Love, that we read for today paralleled themes I have been reading in another book, The Way of the Pilgrim. The way of the Pilgrim is a 19th century Russian work that follows a pilgrim who is journeying across the country to find out how to follow Paul’s call to “pray without ceasing”. The pilgrim knows that prayer without ceasing will lead him to understand and communion with God more. This parallels this passage in Divine Splendor,

“Neither knowledge of the Vedas, nor austerity, nor charity, nor sacrifice can bring the vision you have seen. But through unfailing devotion, Arjuna, you can know me, see me, and attain union with me” (11.53-54)

Just as Khrishna informs Arjuna, the pilgrim prays out of his love for God and through his ceaseless prayer and devotion, he beings to know God. The pilgrim says,

“When I began to pray with the heart, everything around me became transformed and I saw it in a new and delightful way. The trees, the grass, the earth, the air, the light, and everything seemed to be saying to me that it exists to witness to God’s love for man and that it prays and sings of God’s glory”

This experience that the pilgrim had is comparable to the experience Arjuna had when he was allowed to see Khrishna is his true form. Arjuna described all the images he saw such as fiery suns, infinite arms and mouth, every living creature, glittering array of colors, etc., when he communed with the true nature of Krishna. But Krishna knows that it is difficult to create undying devotion, and suggests that it be learned by a habit,

“If you cannot still your mind in me, learn to do so through the regular practice of meditation” (12.9)

Discipline of meditation will bring about devotion and love of the Supreme being. The more Arjuna meditates, the more he will learn to focus on Khrishna and be devoted to him only. This idea was also in the Way of the Pilgrim when the pilgrim was first learning how to pray. His first elder would not let him make any prayers from his heart until he was ready. Thus, he told the pilgrim to first say the Jesus prayer three thousand times a day, then six thousand times, then twelve thousand times, until he felt incomplete when he was not saying the prayer. At this point, the pilgrim was ready to make prayers from his heart and to know God. Discipline had lead to devotion. 

I think this idea is an interesting way to know God. My impression growing up was that devotion and love of God was supposed to spontaneously come to you after reading the Gospel. But I think it is much more complex than that. It requires much more work than that and I think that is why the ancient churches were so liturgical. In the last few weeks, I have begun the practice of the Jesus Prayer and I am excited to see how this discipline will help me to know God better.

Reading Response Week Nine

Bhagavad Gita and the Sutras

Just as a fire is covered by smoke and a mirror is obscured by dust, just as the embryo rests deep within the womb, knowledge is hidden by selfish desire (3.38)

Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind. When that is accomplished, the seer abides in its own true nature. (1.02-1.03)

I appreciated the first quote from the Bhagavad Gita because I like the idea that if knowledge is hidden by selfishness, it is revealed by selflessness. If only we could be selfless, we could tap into all the knowledge that we need. This quote also implies that knowledge is found in the way we relate with each other. Selfless interactions with other people will enlighten us. Thinking of the Sutras, I was reminded of 1.02 and 1.03. True nature is found when the changing states of mind are stilled. I think the changing states of mind can include selfish desire. If we are focused on only our selfish desires, we are too invested in the world. Or in other words, we are too “of the world” and not just “in the world.” When we are too “of the world”, the true knowledge of what is really important is obscured.

I just loved both of these quotes because it made me think of selflessness in a new way. Before I read BG or the Sutras, I thought about the quality as a means to the same end: my selflessness would inspire others’ selflessness. However, there are other benefits. Knowledge of my true nature, as well as many other truths are revealed through not thinking of my own desires. I think that is just amazing.

Bhagavad Gita

Reading Response Week Eight

Bhagavad Gita Ch. 3-4

“Just as a fire is covered by smoke and a mirror is obscured by dust, just as the embryo rests deep within the womb, knowledge is hidden by selfish desire” 

“[King Janaka] was revered as a royal sage who pursued his enlightenment not by renouncing the world, but by working in it and contributing to its welfare, thus enjoying the best of both worlds”

I enjoyed both of these quotes in conjunction with each other. I think they both encourage action in the world and not seclusion. This is interesting to me as I am studying Orthodox monasticism in one of my classes which is very much in favor of lifetime seclusion and solitude in monasteries. In Orthodox Christianity, the members of the church which are considered the most sage and closest to the ideal form of a Christian are the monks. This seems in contrast with what Khrishna is saying as an ideal life for Arjuna, which is action in the world. 

It is appealing to me that King Janaka found enlightenment in the world by working in it and helping it. I find it beautiful that enlightening knowledge is found in your relationships with other people, not just studying in solitude. I am at a cross roads in my life, trying to decide which career to pursue. On the one hand, I feel called to work as a social worker specializing in early childhood development for impoverished populations. On the other hand, I feel similarly called to study Central African culture and possibly pursue being a professor. In this I feel like Arjuna, in that he is confused whether he should continue his worldly journey or stop and pursue acquiring spiritual wisdom. At this point, I am leaning towards social work more as I sympathize with the idea that I personally have learned more in my interactions with people, then literal academic study. But something I need to remember is that for these relationships to be enlightening, they cannot be done in selfish desire, because, “knowledge is hidden by selfish desire”. It is interesting to think that knowledge of enlightenment, or in Christian terms, God, is just beneath the surface of selflessness. 

Asana Practice Week Seven

        So I just got back from a run and some asana practice afterwards. It is fifty five degrees outside, the clouds are about to burst with precipitation, and the sunlight is slowly dimming. It feels like the first day of fall (although that already happened officially weeks ago). Can we talk about all the transitions going on right now? It only felt right to do some yoga practice after my run! As Dr. Schultz told us earlier in the semester, the best time to do yoga is in the transitional parts of the day. So far I have only been practicing yoga right after I wake up in the mornings. I have been eager to try some other transitional moments but when do I have time to fit in some yoga at night? Homework, clubs, job, church, and most importantly dinner occupy my time in the evening. Thankfully, the advent of fall weather seems to slow things down and makes me want to get outside for a little while. And I am still being efficient with my time fitting in some yoga practice after my run! Score another point for me. 

After I finished my run, I walked over to the lot on Fourth and Daughtrey, and stationed myself into a slightly obscured, bushy corner. At first, I was a little self conscious of all the cars passing by, but I just turned up my Sigur Ros (great yoga music by the way) and tuned them out. I did a few bound hand poses, tree pose, mountain pose, a few twists, and of course downward dog. Downward dog was my favorite to do. As I was situated in Downward dog, I could see the rustling bushes and birds flying behind me. I felt very meditative and unaware of myself. It was so relaxing. I liked doing mountain pose as well because I could look at the clouds hustling by overhead. 

The feeling of doing yoga in the mornings versus doing yoga in the evening makes me feel completely different sensations. In the mornings, I feel like doing yoga practice, wakes me up and unscrews my body. In the evening, yoga practice relaxes and un-focuses my brain that has been hyperaware all day. It is so interesting the ways yoga practice can make me feel and I think the best way to experience that is to keep mixing up my practice every once in a while. 

Waking

Waking

Part Three: Yoga, Bodies, and Baby Boys

Over time, it dawns on me--I am having flashbacks. Almost all of my physical trauma has occurred between the states of wakefulness and sleep...So often my trauma has come when my guard was down, when I was trusting the world, when I was taking a nap. (179)

This passage reminded me of my time at Life Pieces to Masterpieces (an after school program for African American male youth in Southeast DC) this summer during our meditation with the students in the morning. At the beginning of the summer, with new students being integrated into the program, it was difficult to get the boys to close their eyes. Besides the fact that they were young and easily distracted, few seemed to be able to close their eyes without grimacing or tensing their entire face. LPTM’s director, Miss Mary Brown, sensed their anxiousness and spoke, “It takes a strong black man in this neighborhood to close his eyes and trust that he is safe.” Miss Mary understood how all the trauma in these children’s lives have taken place between wakefulness and sleep, between alertness and distraction. That the students have been taught to be hyperaware, lest they allow trauma to sneak up on them again.

Through my time at LPTM, I can understand now how traumatizing it is to close your eyes and relax for many people. How even meditation can bring flashbacks of different traumas, whether being jumped on the way to school or the abuse of a stepfather. While it is hard for people outside of the trauma to see how rest or closing your eyes can be a marker of progress, sometimes it is the final purge of the trauma’s grip on a person’s body. Sanford learned to live without those imprints or body memories of his trauma, maybe impoverished children can learn to live without the triggers (or imprints) of pain in their lives. 

I am just amazed at how yoga/meditation/closing your eyes can have such an impact. This is a fascinating addition of knowledge to me as I am interested in early childhood development, especially in impoverished or violent neighborhoods. I see how meditation can allow a child to connect their mind to their body. There were so many of my students who had blackout anger problems, and were ruled by their bodies. The imprints of the trauma on their body were similar to the imprints on Sanford’s body, except for the fact that most of my students were incited to be violent or angry by their imprints. Meditation could allow their mind to control and purge the body of emotional triggers and move beyond anger into rational and complex thought. 

So basically, I leave this book excited and eager to find out more about yoga and the many ways it can impact lives!

Waking

Waking

Part Two: Initiation

My rehabilitation made a mistake with the silence by focusing on the absence of light. It too quickly accepted the loss and taught me to willfully strike out against the darkness...Another course of action, however, is patience. Stop moving, wait for the eyes to adjust, allow for stillness, and then see what’s possible. Although full-fledged vision does not return, usually there is enough light to find one’s way across the room. After a while, the moon may come out, sounds might gain texture, and the world might reveal itself once again, only darker. (127)

I really appreciated this passage, especially between the contrast between striking out against the darkness and waiting for your eyes to adjust. While Sanford was talking about the loss of his mobility, the passage made me think about other points in life that cause grieving. The passing of a family member, a break up with a significant other, the loss of a job, etc. There is always a tendency, at least in my life, to strike out in the darkness, run as fast as you can forward hoping that you don’t run into anything too hard. But that approach can de dangerous. You might catch yourself on something sharp and carry the wound with you for the rest of your life. The other option is to wait. This strategy comes with a hitch, you still have to accept that the world is a little bit darker, or at least something has changed. What is fantastic though, is that life gains texture. It made me think about the sounds in my life, voices of family, friends, acquaintances, and how suddenly they stick when you stop to listen and wait for your eyes (or ears) to adjust. I have distinct memories of offhanded comments from other people while I was grieving that could have easily blended into the dark, but I chose to wait and listen for their subtle textured sounds. Some of those faint words have fueled a more complete and effective healing, even though it meant it took longer to move on. I can now understand how Sanford’s traditional rehabilitation was not effective to him. It was too fast, too physical and left him without time to figure out what healing he really wanted to have. When he finally accepted that there was going to be no miraculously recovery of feeling is his legs, he wrote,

This marked the beginning of perhaps my most important realization -- that there is healing other than healing to walk again (108)

Sanford has many moments like this in his “Initiation” where he realized that his expectations of healing or what his life would look like were extremely narrow-minded, and left him missing huge opportunities for mind-body integration. As we are all prone to do, he narrowed his vision down to a pinpoint and set high expectations, completely ignoring what the experience was trying to tell him. Nonetheless, it is comforting to know that even beyond the options life seems to hand us, there is something more worthwhile  to pursue when we take a little time to stand still, wait for our eyes to adjust, and listen to the subtle sounds around us.