Yoga From the Inside Out: Response 4

Being part of a group can also help to mirror back to us our greatness. If we are a part of a group that is committed to seeing what is possible in us rather than simply what might be showing up in our personality or body at the moment, then the group serves as a transformational function, not simply a social one (128)

I definitely relate to this idea of the group serving to motivate us to practice better yoga. When I am reading all the class blogs, I am motivated by other students practicing and improving on poses in their own time. In class, when another person finally gets a pose, like headstand or shoulder stand, I see that it is possible to get there at some point. Seeing other classmates’ progress is encouraging for me and proves that the process actually works. Another example is when I am in some pose, like downward dog, and Dr. Schultz says that my pose is coming along very well, I am motivated to keep working on it. 

I liked what Sell wrote about the word “Tantra” in thinking about a group dynamic,

Tantra can be defined as ‘looming together or a weaving together’ Tan- means ‘to stretch’ or ‘to expand,’ while tra- means ‘to integrate.’ This definition of tantra can be used as a metaphor for discussing spiritual community (133-134)

Threads weaving together to make a stronger and more beautiful piece of fabric. This reminded me of my high school cross country team. We each had a “stick” (it was actually a 1/2 inch wide wooden pole rod) that we would decorate and write our names on. We brought our stick to each practice to remember that all the sticks together are stronger than one stick alone. You could easily snap one stick in half, but with more than a few in your hand, they were difficult to break. We used this as a reminder that even though running was technically an “individual” sport, we still needed each other to become stronger and better runners. 

Even though yoga is technically an “individual” practice, it is hard to make much progress with out the help of others. That said, I am grateful for our class and the environment that we have created where we encourage each other and help one another get better at poses.

Yoga From the Inside Out: Response 3

“But there really is no shortcut in the work of acceptance. Acceptance means that we have made peace with a situation that we are ready to live with it as it is forever, as though it may never change. We may never lose weight, we may never balance in a headstand, we may never sit in lotus pose, our partner may never wash their dishes in a timely manner, our child may never get straight A’s” (98)

When I read this passage, I immediately thought of the practice of the Enneagram. If you are not familiar with the Enneagram, it is a model of personality types associated with numbers 1 through 9. Each number is a different personality with their own core motivating need. They have unique motivating desires and fears. While on the outside it seems a little arbitrary, it has incredible depth that has been studied for thousands of years. 

Why I thought of the Enneagram when reading this passage is that the ultimate spiritual goal of Enneagram study is acceptance. When you are first finding out about your number, you are learning about every other number as well. You begin to realize how different other people see the world. For an argumentative person like myself, I always found it annoying when one of my siblings would never take a side in a fight. Through the Enneagram, I realized that they are a Nine and their primary motivation was Peacekeeping. I learned to accept that their primary motivation is different than my primary motivation of finding what is true (in other words, being right). This Enneagram process taught me that I need to just accept people where they are, with no qualifications, no short cuts. This doesn’t mean accepting people’s bad behavior . It means accepting people’s limitations and not putting unnecessary expectations on them. This idea also applies to your own self and your number as well. As a Four, I have learned to accept that I will always wear my emotions on my sleeve and I will always be painfully empathetic. Instead of trying to deny that, I have learned to use those attributes as sources of creativity and meaningful relationships. 

This method of acceptance is found in yoga as well, or at least Sell’s idea of yoga. To progress in yoga, you need to accept where you are. Instead of trying to stretch beyond your limits to imitate how a pose is supposed to look, you need to recognize what your body can do. And if that means all leg extension poses will look like a newly born baby giraffe (like mine do), then you need to accept your hamstrings are tight but eventually they will loosen up with careful practice. Also, I think it is more rewarding to see how you have progressed after a few practices, then to do it “right” on the first try. 

Asana Practice Week Thirteen

I am really enjoying the fact that we are getting to the point in class where we know have enough yoga knowledge to suggest poses we like. It’s a new level of the class where I have to actually to try to remember the names of poses so I can recall them in practice. More importantly, I want to remember them so I can say them in front of my friends and pretend to be a Yoga/Hindu scholar. Suggesting poses in class also makes me think about which poses I would like to try everyday and focus on improving (so far they are Baddha Hastasana and Vasistasana). 

I am glad that we have also been practicing how to order a set of poses because it is so intimidating to try to do yoga on your own! I usually just do a few isolated poses that I really like, or more often, remember from class. It is a big step to move from that to creating a cohesive set! Thankfully, I wrote down the order of our first “custom” session so I will probably stick to that until I get better at creating “custom” sets on my own. In the meantime, I will be encouraged by the progress of Baddha Hastasana and Vasistasana. 

Yoga From the Inside Out: Response 2

Also it is important to learn how to work on our bodies to continue to create opening. Not just to say, ‘Oh my body doesn’t like to do that I am not even going to go there.’ But to work in a way that you continue to grow. (Sell 43)

I like the words ‘create opening’ because I think it has two meanings. On the one hand, you are creating a physical opening of your muscles, joints, bones, etc. by trying the pose, no matter how terrible you are at it initially. Each centimeter you put into the practice, creates some sort of new opening.

On this path, no effort is wasted (Bhagavad Gita)

I also think of this opening as mental, and the opening of a new journey in your life. It’s effective to think of yoga this way as an opening of a door to a new journey, not the destination itself.

I relate this to research I am doing on the Jesus Prayer right now. The prayer is,

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner

It is a deceivingly simple prayer yet it is the cornerstone of Eastern Orthodox monastic thought. Just like you can practice a pose “wrong” when you are first beginning yoga, you can say the prayer without really knowing its true depth and significance. The Jesus Prayer creates an opening to deep prayer of the heart and communion with God. It is often said that the entire gospel is found in the Jesus Prayer. I won’t bore you with the details but essentially, both the fall and redemption are found in this prayer. This is similar to when Sell discussed how all the Universal energies were found in the body,

Through the body we are connecting and seeing that the Universal can be in this little individual package (Sell 41)

When you start practicing the Jesus Prayer, you are just saying the few words. They are located just on your lips. As you practice more, the words move from your lips to your mind, where you begin to contemplate what each word means. Finally, after years of practice, the words move from your mind to your heart where you commune with God when you understand what these words really mean. This is where the command from Paul to “pray ceaselessly” (1 Thess. 5:17) is brought to life. Once the prayer enters your heart, you will constantly be focused on God, and will stand in prayer with Him without ceasing, in waking or sleep. 

Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind (Sutra 1.2) 

Using the asanas we align the mind, the body and the spirit in the present moment, becoming more aware of what we find inside ourselves right now (Sell 61)

In the same way, Yoga focuses and aligns your mind and body so you can connect with the “winds” of the Universe inside of you. The more you practice yoga, the more aligned you are and the more you are in communion with yourself.

Yoga From the Inside Out: Response 1

The practice is a journey through which we confront our fears and our conditioning, and receive the opportunity to glimpse the greatness of our true nature (Sell xviii)

Yoga is the cessation of movements. Then the seer abides in his own true splendor. (Sutras 1.2-1.3)

I think some people’s true splendor must look like curves on their body that embrace every inch of you in their hug or it must look like sturdiness in thick thighs. I also think some people’s true splendor is manifested in lean bodies who are agile and move lightly. 

I found my true splendor in college, sophomore year, when I decided to stop chemically relaxing my hair. I have always had vibrantly curly hair but when I entered middle school, it turned from soft, delicate curls to dreaded fullness that was no longer cute but intimidating and painfully noticeable. I began going to salons every six months to have my hair chemically reformed to transform my hair from ‘curly’ to ‘wavy’. Because ‘wavy’ is cute. Curly is scary. I maneuvered through middle school and high school with a full head of ‘wavy’ hair, often straightening it to blend in with high school hallway crowds even more.

But the thing is, even when my hair was ‘wavy’, it was still dynamically noticeable. The thick fullness of my hair still seeped out awkwardly through the limp waves. 

On the contrary, [my teacher] is suggesting a natural relationship to the body and to food--a relationship in resonance with the Divine. In such a natural mood the addictions and tensions around food and body image can begin to relax (Sell 28)

The natural relationship to my body and to my hair was through the full embrace of its curliness. It’s hard to explain to people whose hair never owned them how liberated I felt when I went home on Christmas break and for the first time I did not schedule an appointment at the hair salon. Even more so, when after a year, I had completely grown out every inch of processed hair. I was truly abiding in my own splendor. 

What I celebrate most about my body is that it is a temple for my soul. It is this beautiful house that I tend to, but try not to possess or be too attached to. I love that it stores and releases the most amazing currents of energy. I like how joyous it becomes (Sell 31)

After embracing the natural swirl of my hair, I am also learning detachment from its unpredictable ways. It changes with the weather and in Texas, that means it looks different every hour. I cannot be too concerned with controlling it anymore. I embrace its fullness and let its vibrancy also lift my mood.

I wish people would think about their bodies the way I have learned to think about my hair. Feel the joy in every extra bounce of a round booty, or the strength of sculpted calves as you walk up all six floors of Collins. As Dr. Schultz likes to say, God gave you that pose. And God gave you your bodies. And my crazy, unexplainable hair. 

Asana Practice Week Twelve

Recently, one of my friends from church decided to open up a Montessori Pre-K school in Woodway and bought a gutted building to house it in. The building had nothing but the frame and thus needed a lot of renovation to make it ready for school in January. As the deadline approaches, the work gets a little more stressful: on the emotions and the body! 

Today was one of those more difficult days when we spent the morning on our knees, scraping and smoothing the cement floor to prepare for installation of wood floors. I was really feeling the cramping coming on in my hands and back after just a half hour. Luckily, I have recently acquired a yoga toolbox thanks to this class and remembered to pull a few tools out to help me. 

I started doing hand stretches every few minutes. First, I did the stretch where you hook your thumbs together and stretch your arms outward. Then, I would do the pose where you stick your arm out, with fingers pointing upward and you use the other hand to pull your fingers backward. I eventually incorporated a few twists while I was sitting down.

After a little while, everyone took a water break and they seemed sore, so I asked my friend if she wanted to stretch out with some yoga poses. She did! We executed standing, sitting, twisting, and shoulder-opening poses. It was so fun! I really felt a lot better after a few minutes. 

After a solid four hours, I came to the realization that I am not cut out for construction. Other than that, I also thought about how cool it would be if construction workers, plumbers, etc., had some knowledge of yoga and could prevent the inevitable injuries that come when you put that much stress on your body. It would be quite entertaining to see all those workers outside East Village doing a few rounds of sunrise yoga before starting work but who knows, it might be really helpful! 

Reading Response Week Twelve

That which seems like poison at first but tastes like nectar in the end -- this is the joy of sattva, born of a mind at peace with itself. (18.37)

This quote reminded me of those Sour Patch commercials where the mascot does something bad, then something sweet because “Sour Patch Kids are sour first, then they are sweet”. But even beyond making me crave the candy, I really appreciate the sentiment. I especially liked the end part of the quote, that explained why someone could endure something that tasted like poison at first before becoming sweet. Someone with the mind “at peace with itself” can endure that bitter process. As someone who has been involved in athletics all my life, I am definitely of the mindset that athletic achievement is 90% mental. Most pain is mental and your ability to overcome it is largely a reflection of your state of mind. I like this idea of happiness, the “no pressure, no diamonds” approach. It makes the good parts of life much sweeter. Although, if I was going to be honest, in my college years, I have been more of this mindset,

Those who are tamasic draw their pleasures from sleep and indolence (18.39)

Right now I am pretty sure I draw most of my pleasure from sleep and laying in my bed eating peanut butter m&ms. But ideally, I’d like to be more sattvatic in my fitness and general life. 

In addition to athletics, I think this idea can apply to difficulties of everyday life. If you can have peace of mind, whether through faith or other means, you are preparing yourself to go through the “bitter” parts of life that although challenging, will shape you in a positive way. It is encouraging to believe that if I cultivate a true peace of mind now, I can survive the inevitable difficult days ahead of me. It brings a sense of control to the unpredictable future. 

Asana Practice Week Eleven

Advice for all those students planning on sleeping for 14 hours straight: make sure you pick a position that will be the least painful to wake up in. 

I learned this lesson the hard way this morning after I woke up from a post-Homecoming slumber. In my first sleep in 48 hours, I slept on my stomach, with one leg hiked up to side, and both arms over my head. Although it was extremely comfortable when I first fell asleep, after 14 hours, my body was parts asleep, parts tangled, and many parts in pain. In addition to that, I was extremely sore from sitting on my knees all friday night for face painting, biking in the parade on saturday morning and standing during the football game. I was miserable. 

But then I decided to do some yoga to untangle myself. I did some downward dog, some twists, and plenty of chest and shoulder openers. I felt so much better. I will definitely need an ice bath later but I am so thankful to have yoga to help me on these mornings! 

Speaking of shoulder openers, I have been doing the bound-elbows-behind-the-back pose throughout every day recently. It is my new favorite pose! For someone like me who has terrible posture and is always slouching over, this pose brings me relief in so many ways. First, I have really tight shoulders and this pose relieves the tension around that area and through my neck. Second, this pose also brings relief to my back because it forces me to straighten up. For this reason, I have been doing the pose at work where I sit at the front desk for hours at a time. It has been a lifesaver!

Reading Reflection Week Eleven

BG 13-14

It is the three gunas born of prakriti -- sattva, rajas, and tamas -- that bind the immortal Self to the body. Sattva -- pure, luminous, and free from sorrow -- binds us with attachment to happiness and wisdom (14.5-6)

When I first was reading about the gunas, I was expecting to hear about how I could achieve sattva, the highest level, but then I read,

The wise see clearly that all action is the work of the gunas. Knowing that which is above the gunas, they enter into union with me (14.19)

At first I thought, after Krishna just described how “When sattva predominates, the light of wisdom shines through every gate of the body” (14.11), why would we want to disconnect ourselves from that? It sounds great! But then I began to remember how the gunas are changing states of mind and “Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind” (Sutras 1.02). Whoops. 

When I reflected further on what could be greater than sattva, I recalled an interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter (don’t judge me) with Stephen Colbert. If you aren’t familiar with his story, he lost his dad and two oldest brothers in a plane crash when he was ten. In talking about this experience, he brought up happiness and joy. Paraphrasing their conversation:

COLBERT Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God... but Joy can be hard. Joy is not the same thing as happiness. I think happiness is overrated. I really do.

OPRAH: I’d rather be joyful than happy any day

COLBERT: Happiness can be really facile. I’d rather be sad with the people [I] love ... because that’s real.

While happiness is appealing, it depends on what happens to you everyday. Joy is a constant state of being as opposed to a changing state of mind. When you have joy, it is because you have knowledge of something greater than your own self. I think without joy, you will always be subject to what happens to you. You will have no freedom in your life because you will just be a center of action and reaction. In a sense, joy is an escape from that cycle. As Parker Palmer illustrated in his book, Let Your Life Speak, joy is like a river hidden beneath the ice of your existence. It is flowing unaffected by the changing seasons of your life, even the dark, cold winters. 

Asana Practice Week Ten

I have been having one of those weeks where it is very difficult to fall asleep at night. All my tricks -- podcasts, reading books, rolling over more times than I can count -- have not been working. So I got desperate, and thought of the yoga techniques we have learning over this semester. I thought about how Dr. Schultz said she does some poses when she cannot sleep. But alas, I forgot which poses she said and I am too comfortable in my bed (and lazy) to get up. So I moved to another technique that we have talked about: breathing! 

I started to focus on my breathing, counting down from ten as I inhaled and exhaled. Contrary to my contorted, fetus-like position that I normally sleep in, I laid flat on black, with my arms next to my sides. I kept repeating the breathing and the counting until I finally drifted off and fell asleep. It was very similar to the experience I have at the end of class when I seamlessly move from laying down on the mat to being semi-conscious. Thankfully, this technique has given me a few extra hours of sleep this week. 

Reading Response Week Ten

Bhagavad Gita Ch. 11-12

The two chapters in BG, Divine Splendor and Way of Love, that we read for today paralleled themes I have been reading in another book, The Way of the Pilgrim. The way of the Pilgrim is a 19th century Russian work that follows a pilgrim who is journeying across the country to find out how to follow Paul’s call to “pray without ceasing”. The pilgrim knows that prayer without ceasing will lead him to understand and communion with God more. This parallels this passage in Divine Splendor,

“Neither knowledge of the Vedas, nor austerity, nor charity, nor sacrifice can bring the vision you have seen. But through unfailing devotion, Arjuna, you can know me, see me, and attain union with me” (11.53-54)

Just as Khrishna informs Arjuna, the pilgrim prays out of his love for God and through his ceaseless prayer and devotion, he beings to know God. The pilgrim says,

“When I began to pray with the heart, everything around me became transformed and I saw it in a new and delightful way. The trees, the grass, the earth, the air, the light, and everything seemed to be saying to me that it exists to witness to God’s love for man and that it prays and sings of God’s glory”

This experience that the pilgrim had is comparable to the experience Arjuna had when he was allowed to see Khrishna is his true form. Arjuna described all the images he saw such as fiery suns, infinite arms and mouth, every living creature, glittering array of colors, etc., when he communed with the true nature of Krishna. But Krishna knows that it is difficult to create undying devotion, and suggests that it be learned by a habit,

“If you cannot still your mind in me, learn to do so through the regular practice of meditation” (12.9)

Discipline of meditation will bring about devotion and love of the Supreme being. The more Arjuna meditates, the more he will learn to focus on Khrishna and be devoted to him only. This idea was also in the Way of the Pilgrim when the pilgrim was first learning how to pray. His first elder would not let him make any prayers from his heart until he was ready. Thus, he told the pilgrim to first say the Jesus prayer three thousand times a day, then six thousand times, then twelve thousand times, until he felt incomplete when he was not saying the prayer. At this point, the pilgrim was ready to make prayers from his heart and to know God. Discipline had lead to devotion. 

I think this idea is an interesting way to know God. My impression growing up was that devotion and love of God was supposed to spontaneously come to you after reading the Gospel. But I think it is much more complex than that. It requires much more work than that and I think that is why the ancient churches were so liturgical. In the last few weeks, I have begun the practice of the Jesus Prayer and I am excited to see how this discipline will help me to know God better.

Reading Response Week Nine

Bhagavad Gita and the Sutras

Just as a fire is covered by smoke and a mirror is obscured by dust, just as the embryo rests deep within the womb, knowledge is hidden by selfish desire (3.38)

Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind. When that is accomplished, the seer abides in its own true nature. (1.02-1.03)

I appreciated the first quote from the Bhagavad Gita because I like the idea that if knowledge is hidden by selfishness, it is revealed by selflessness. If only we could be selfless, we could tap into all the knowledge that we need. This quote also implies that knowledge is found in the way we relate with each other. Selfless interactions with other people will enlighten us. Thinking of the Sutras, I was reminded of 1.02 and 1.03. True nature is found when the changing states of mind are stilled. I think the changing states of mind can include selfish desire. If we are focused on only our selfish desires, we are too invested in the world. Or in other words, we are too “of the world” and not just “in the world.” When we are too “of the world”, the true knowledge of what is really important is obscured.

I just loved both of these quotes because it made me think of selflessness in a new way. Before I read BG or the Sutras, I thought about the quality as a means to the same end: my selflessness would inspire others’ selflessness. However, there are other benefits. Knowledge of my true nature, as well as many other truths are revealed through not thinking of my own desires. I think that is just amazing.

Bhagavad Gita

Reading Response Week Eight

Bhagavad Gita Ch. 3-4

“Just as a fire is covered by smoke and a mirror is obscured by dust, just as the embryo rests deep within the womb, knowledge is hidden by selfish desire” 

“[King Janaka] was revered as a royal sage who pursued his enlightenment not by renouncing the world, but by working in it and contributing to its welfare, thus enjoying the best of both worlds”

I enjoyed both of these quotes in conjunction with each other. I think they both encourage action in the world and not seclusion. This is interesting to me as I am studying Orthodox monasticism in one of my classes which is very much in favor of lifetime seclusion and solitude in monasteries. In Orthodox Christianity, the members of the church which are considered the most sage and closest to the ideal form of a Christian are the monks. This seems in contrast with what Khrishna is saying as an ideal life for Arjuna, which is action in the world. 

It is appealing to me that King Janaka found enlightenment in the world by working in it and helping it. I find it beautiful that enlightening knowledge is found in your relationships with other people, not just studying in solitude. I am at a cross roads in my life, trying to decide which career to pursue. On the one hand, I feel called to work as a social worker specializing in early childhood development for impoverished populations. On the other hand, I feel similarly called to study Central African culture and possibly pursue being a professor. In this I feel like Arjuna, in that he is confused whether he should continue his worldly journey or stop and pursue acquiring spiritual wisdom. At this point, I am leaning towards social work more as I sympathize with the idea that I personally have learned more in my interactions with people, then literal academic study. But something I need to remember is that for these relationships to be enlightening, they cannot be done in selfish desire, because, “knowledge is hidden by selfish desire”. It is interesting to think that knowledge of enlightenment, or in Christian terms, God, is just beneath the surface of selflessness. 

Asana Practice Week Seven

        So I just got back from a run and some asana practice afterwards. It is fifty five degrees outside, the clouds are about to burst with precipitation, and the sunlight is slowly dimming. It feels like the first day of fall (although that already happened officially weeks ago). Can we talk about all the transitions going on right now? It only felt right to do some yoga practice after my run! As Dr. Schultz told us earlier in the semester, the best time to do yoga is in the transitional parts of the day. So far I have only been practicing yoga right after I wake up in the mornings. I have been eager to try some other transitional moments but when do I have time to fit in some yoga at night? Homework, clubs, job, church, and most importantly dinner occupy my time in the evening. Thankfully, the advent of fall weather seems to slow things down and makes me want to get outside for a little while. And I am still being efficient with my time fitting in some yoga practice after my run! Score another point for me. 

After I finished my run, I walked over to the lot on Fourth and Daughtrey, and stationed myself into a slightly obscured, bushy corner. At first, I was a little self conscious of all the cars passing by, but I just turned up my Sigur Ros (great yoga music by the way) and tuned them out. I did a few bound hand poses, tree pose, mountain pose, a few twists, and of course downward dog. Downward dog was my favorite to do. As I was situated in Downward dog, I could see the rustling bushes and birds flying behind me. I felt very meditative and unaware of myself. It was so relaxing. I liked doing mountain pose as well because I could look at the clouds hustling by overhead. 

The feeling of doing yoga in the mornings versus doing yoga in the evening makes me feel completely different sensations. In the mornings, I feel like doing yoga practice, wakes me up and unscrews my body. In the evening, yoga practice relaxes and un-focuses my brain that has been hyperaware all day. It is so interesting the ways yoga practice can make me feel and I think the best way to experience that is to keep mixing up my practice every once in a while. 

Waking

Waking

Part Three: Yoga, Bodies, and Baby Boys

Over time, it dawns on me--I am having flashbacks. Almost all of my physical trauma has occurred between the states of wakefulness and sleep...So often my trauma has come when my guard was down, when I was trusting the world, when I was taking a nap. (179)

This passage reminded me of my time at Life Pieces to Masterpieces (an after school program for African American male youth in Southeast DC) this summer during our meditation with the students in the morning. At the beginning of the summer, with new students being integrated into the program, it was difficult to get the boys to close their eyes. Besides the fact that they were young and easily distracted, few seemed to be able to close their eyes without grimacing or tensing their entire face. LPTM’s director, Miss Mary Brown, sensed their anxiousness and spoke, “It takes a strong black man in this neighborhood to close his eyes and trust that he is safe.” Miss Mary understood how all the trauma in these children’s lives have taken place between wakefulness and sleep, between alertness and distraction. That the students have been taught to be hyperaware, lest they allow trauma to sneak up on them again.

Through my time at LPTM, I can understand now how traumatizing it is to close your eyes and relax for many people. How even meditation can bring flashbacks of different traumas, whether being jumped on the way to school or the abuse of a stepfather. While it is hard for people outside of the trauma to see how rest or closing your eyes can be a marker of progress, sometimes it is the final purge of the trauma’s grip on a person’s body. Sanford learned to live without those imprints or body memories of his trauma, maybe impoverished children can learn to live without the triggers (or imprints) of pain in their lives. 

I am just amazed at how yoga/meditation/closing your eyes can have such an impact. This is a fascinating addition of knowledge to me as I am interested in early childhood development, especially in impoverished or violent neighborhoods. I see how meditation can allow a child to connect their mind to their body. There were so many of my students who had blackout anger problems, and were ruled by their bodies. The imprints of the trauma on their body were similar to the imprints on Sanford’s body, except for the fact that most of my students were incited to be violent or angry by their imprints. Meditation could allow their mind to control and purge the body of emotional triggers and move beyond anger into rational and complex thought. 

So basically, I leave this book excited and eager to find out more about yoga and the many ways it can impact lives!

Waking

Waking

Part Two: Initiation

My rehabilitation made a mistake with the silence by focusing on the absence of light. It too quickly accepted the loss and taught me to willfully strike out against the darkness...Another course of action, however, is patience. Stop moving, wait for the eyes to adjust, allow for stillness, and then see what’s possible. Although full-fledged vision does not return, usually there is enough light to find one’s way across the room. After a while, the moon may come out, sounds might gain texture, and the world might reveal itself once again, only darker. (127)

I really appreciated this passage, especially between the contrast between striking out against the darkness and waiting for your eyes to adjust. While Sanford was talking about the loss of his mobility, the passage made me think about other points in life that cause grieving. The passing of a family member, a break up with a significant other, the loss of a job, etc. There is always a tendency, at least in my life, to strike out in the darkness, run as fast as you can forward hoping that you don’t run into anything too hard. But that approach can de dangerous. You might catch yourself on something sharp and carry the wound with you for the rest of your life. The other option is to wait. This strategy comes with a hitch, you still have to accept that the world is a little bit darker, or at least something has changed. What is fantastic though, is that life gains texture. It made me think about the sounds in my life, voices of family, friends, acquaintances, and how suddenly they stick when you stop to listen and wait for your eyes (or ears) to adjust. I have distinct memories of offhanded comments from other people while I was grieving that could have easily blended into the dark, but I chose to wait and listen for their subtle textured sounds. Some of those faint words have fueled a more complete and effective healing, even though it meant it took longer to move on. I can now understand how Sanford’s traditional rehabilitation was not effective to him. It was too fast, too physical and left him without time to figure out what healing he really wanted to have. When he finally accepted that there was going to be no miraculously recovery of feeling is his legs, he wrote,

This marked the beginning of perhaps my most important realization -- that there is healing other than healing to walk again (108)

Sanford has many moments like this in his “Initiation” where he realized that his expectations of healing or what his life would look like were extremely narrow-minded, and left him missing huge opportunities for mind-body integration. As we are all prone to do, he narrowed his vision down to a pinpoint and set high expectations, completely ignoring what the experience was trying to tell him. Nonetheless, it is comforting to know that even beyond the options life seems to hand us, there is something more worthwhile  to pursue when we take a little time to stand still, wait for our eyes to adjust, and listen to the subtle sounds around us. 

Waking

Waking

Chapter Six - End of Part One

“Then one day--just like that--the rumblings in my stomach return...My digestion has turned itself back on, from silence into function” 

When I first read this passage on how the author’s digestive system just turned itself back on months after initial paralysis, all I could think about is how his body is telling him to connect! Through this Trauma and Separation (the title of Part One), Sanford has slowly been disconnecting himself from his paralyzed body. Essentially he has built up a wall between his functioning body and paralyzed body, deciding not even to acknowledge two thirds of himself. The turning on of the digestive system was his paralyzed body telling him not to separate, not to fall back into the silence. This underscores the importance of listening to what your body is telling you, especially in yoga. Yoga has taught me to feel the minute, forgotten parts of my body and listen to them. When I am doing a pose that does not feel right initially, I have learned to listen to my body to see if I am doing the pose correctly. Downward dog (yes, the pose that is simultaneously the bane of my yoga practice as well as the clearest marker of my progress) initially felt so awkward and the opposite of relaxation. Well that was until I realized that the weight of the pose is supposed to be in my legs. It felt less awkward after I learned that adjustment. I am starting to get the hang of hearing whether a pose is incorrect or just difficult. 

“This is a moment familiar to most of us, a time when life suddenly becomes different, like the day when getting kissed by a parent is no longer comfortable or skipping is no longer feels cool. In such examples, childhood innocence is discarded--for example, the act of skipping--so that something else can be embraced”

This is one the passages in the book that stopped me in my tracks. I had to reread this excerpt over again because it was so inspirational. The last part of that quote, “so that something else can be embraced” struck a chord with me. The changes in life, where you realize that what you have become comfortable with is not longer, happen so that something else can be embraced. These new changes are making space for something else to throw your arms around and rest in the comfort of its warmth. This is just beautiful to me, a person who dreads change, who constantly idealizes the past and who longs to go back to the good ol’ times. I am constantly restless in the present, refusing to accept and settle after the big change. The fact that this often dreaded change makes room for something else just as important, just as comforting, just as secure and above all deserving to be embraced brings me so much hope and contentment.

Asana Practice Week Six

Asana Practice Week Six

I really enjoyed class on thursday with our discussion on yamas & niyamas. At first, the different lists of values or character traits in the sutras always seem so random (probably due to the English translation). It is interesting to see how they relate to each other. I wish that the sutras explained how to achieve yamas & niyamas rather than just the result of practicing them. I am especially interested in how yoga can lead to contentment and non-violence. I am not sure if that is addressed elsewhere in the sutras or that it is left up to the individual to discover in his or her own meditation

I enjoyed the breathing part of class also. It was fun taking the deep breaths on the inhalation and exhalation. The direction of where the breath is supposed to go (“from the base of the spine, through every rib, into your chest and lifting your collarbone) was really helpful. My breath felt like a little caterpillar climbing up and down my torso. I am guessing that that’s the point as I could feel every point in the process of inhalation and exhalation. It was much harder to bring that deep breathing into downward dog which was disappointing (and just when I felt like I was starting to relax in that pose!). I think that all relates to what Dr. Schultz said about how the poses can be almost infinitely improved on and that they are so “deep” that there is always something new to learn from them. 

Reading Reflection Week Six

Reading Reflection Week Six

Yoga Sutras III.1-3

I like the distinguishing between concentration and meditation. I originally thought that meditation and concentration were synonymous but the initial sutras of chapter three demonstrated how they are different. The sutras explained that the concentration is keeping you mind in one position, preventing it from wandering. I almost imagine this is placing your mind on a line and keeping it there. After you have your mind set on the line, the next step is meditation. Meditation is focusing on a point and one image. The way I thought about it was that at the end of the line, there is an image that you are looking at. After the steps of concentration and meditation are attempted, the yoga limb of samadhi is within reach. Samadhi is where you become unaware of yourself.

These first three sutras (and last three limbs of yoga) have really helped me in figuring out how to do meditation (in the general, reflective sense of the word, not the strict yoga definition). The sutras are a three step process of achieving lack of consciousness of self. Before reading these sutras, I would just close my eyes and hope that I would be able to focus enough to venture somewhere in my mind. It’s nice to have this direction on how to meditate. It is almost similar to directions on how to do poses, except this time you are “posing” in your mind. Thinking of it this way, I can see how the limbs of yoga are all related.

All Posts and Comments from Locked Blog

DISCLAIMER: I am not tech savvy enough to figure out how to import all the previous posts and comments for the first four weeks of class so I screen grabbed pictures of them and am going to upload them in this post. Sorry if they are hard to read!

Reading Week Five

DISCLAIMER: Sorry if these posts are out of order, I am trying to move all my posts from my locked blog to this one so bear with me (:

Reading Week Five 

The Kleshas and Karma II.10 - II.17

11.17 -- The conjunction between the seer and that which is seen is the cause [of suffering] to be avoided

When I first read this sutra, I was very confused. How can suffering come from someone seeing something? My impression of suffering is that it comes from actual actions of others. Thankfully, the book I bought off of Amazon has a brief explanation of many sutras. This sutra is explained thus, 

“Likewise, the remedy for the suffering of embodied existence is to remove purusa from its association with prakriti”

Parusa means self and prakriti is nature. I got the impression that this sutra is trying to say that removal from suffering is removal from our connection to this world. Suffering comes from trying to connect with things that are seen, or in the world. These things are not inside of us, but outside of us. To prevent suffering, means to turn inward into ourself through mediation, I assume.

I see how meditating can free us from suffering as we can clear our minds and see truth. Being able to see truth will allow us to make wiser decisions that will not produce suffering. However, I am not sure what the ideal life for a person who practices yoga is. Do they want to completely sever connection with “what is seen” forever? Can we prevent suffering by intermittent meditation? I guess what I am trying to understand is if their is an inverse relationship between disconnection with what is seen and suffering. Does more disconnection mean less suffering? 

Asana Practice Week Five

DISCLAIMER: Sorry if these posts are out of order, I am trying to move all my posts from my locked blog to this one so bear with me (:

Asana Practice Week Five

I really enjoyed our discussion in class on Tuesday on how asana practice figures into the eight “limbs” of yoga. I never knew that actual yoga poses were a more recent invention it seems to strengthen our bodies for a more important practice, sitting. Being able to sit for long periods of time in the ancient days was so important as it enabled students to listen to masters without discomfort while they talked. The best part is that sitting is still so important today. It is almost a lost art, to be able to sit properly and without aid. Without realizing that sitting was the end goal of asana practice in the ancient times, the results I have been most excited about in the five weeks I have been doing yoga is the strength and knowledge to sit properly. I find myself thinking about sitting in class or while I am studying and knowing how to do it brings so much relief to my back. 

Speaking of improvement, I can stand longer too! I stood for about seven hours at Floyd Casey on Saturday as I was working the Bear Zone for Student Foundation for a couple hours before the game. I stood for most of the time, even during time outs with little discomfort. I kept reminding myself to push my front ribs to my back ribs, tuck my tush under, and straighten my back. That knowledge I learned from mountain pose helped me a lot. 

While standing and sitting are getting easier, most of the other poses are very slowing moving forward. They may take a while longer to accomplish! But that is okay with me. I am satisfied with the improvement I have made so far! 

Waking

Intro - Chapter Five

“This book is my first attempt to articulate something about our consciousness that has struck me because of my unusual experiences with mind and body”

When I read Sanford discuss the consciousness he feels in his body, even within the paralyzed parts, I immediately think about the way Crohn’s has brought awareness to a part of my body as well. Sanford asks the reader if they were told to stretch the muscles between their ribs or lift their arches, would they know what to do? (xiii). In the same way, I can ask my friends if they could pinpoint the moment their lunch moved from their stomach into their intestinal tract. I have an acute awareness of the digestive tract in my body because of the acute pain that radiates from it frequently. Of course, my experience is nowhere near the severity or pain levels that Sanford experienced, but I understand the sentiment. Before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I rarely thought about food after I swallowed it. But my “unusual experience” has struck me with a consciousness I have not felt before. The same experience is felt through athletes like Derrick Rose, who tore his ACL and in rehab learned how to engage core muscles that actual helped stabilize a seemingly disconnected part of the body such as the knee. However, I don’t think you need to experience a traumatic injury or be diagnosed with an immune disorder to gain awareness of your body. Yoga can raise that consciousness! I am excited to continue to read this book and learn more specifically about Sanford’s journey into yoga practice. Although I have only seen a glimpse of his yoga practice post-paralyzation in the story so far, I am curious to know how it is possible that he feels “presence” in the back of his heels (5), an area of his body confined to paralysis.

“In retrospect, I realize how profoundly this feeling of boundary imprinted me...The spinal integrity of that thirteen-year-old boy was spewing all over the place, like a downed electrical line. The plaster cast directed this spillage back through his body, restoring his sense of place” (50)

The word “imprint” appeared multiple times throughout the text up to this point but this quote about the significance of the body cast on Sanford painted a vivid picture about what we have been doing in Yoga and Philosophy class so far. In class, we have used blocks to imprint into our bodies a presence that will guide the direction of poses. Outside of those blocks, we are imprinting on ourselves how the body is supposed to move and feel through asana practice. I can’t tell you how many times I have been standing this month and subconsciously pushed my ribs backward and tucked my butt under. Also, even though the muscles and tendons of our body are not quite as literally spewing all over the place as they were in the author’s body, I can see how over the years, bad posture and neglect have left some parts of our body twisted and knotted like Ipod headphones you just pulled out of your backpack. Just like the cast Sanford wore to keep his back in the correct place while his newly placed vertebrae fused together, yoga can serve as a cast to hold our body in its natural position until its muscles, tendons, bones, and joints fuse together in the correct way. It is also encouraging that when the cast was initially put on Sanford, he said it was the most excruciating pain he ever felt. The imprint, and the resetting of body parts by yoga is initially supposed to feel painful, awkward and unnatural. For someone who embarrassingly found Mountain Pose one of the most difficult poses to do at first, I find comfort in the fact that imprinting boundaries on our bodies is supposed to initially be painful.