Waking

Waking

Chapter Six - End of Part One

“Then one day--just like that--the rumblings in my stomach return...My digestion has turned itself back on, from silence into function” 

When I first read this passage on how the author’s digestive system just turned itself back on months after initial paralysis, all I could think about is how his body is telling him to connect! Through this Trauma and Separation (the title of Part One), Sanford has slowly been disconnecting himself from his paralyzed body. Essentially he has built up a wall between his functioning body and paralyzed body, deciding not even to acknowledge two thirds of himself. The turning on of the digestive system was his paralyzed body telling him not to separate, not to fall back into the silence. This underscores the importance of listening to what your body is telling you, especially in yoga. Yoga has taught me to feel the minute, forgotten parts of my body and listen to them. When I am doing a pose that does not feel right initially, I have learned to listen to my body to see if I am doing the pose correctly. Downward dog (yes, the pose that is simultaneously the bane of my yoga practice as well as the clearest marker of my progress) initially felt so awkward and the opposite of relaxation. Well that was until I realized that the weight of the pose is supposed to be in my legs. It felt less awkward after I learned that adjustment. I am starting to get the hang of hearing whether a pose is incorrect or just difficult. 

“This is a moment familiar to most of us, a time when life suddenly becomes different, like the day when getting kissed by a parent is no longer comfortable or skipping is no longer feels cool. In such examples, childhood innocence is discarded--for example, the act of skipping--so that something else can be embraced”

This is one the passages in the book that stopped me in my tracks. I had to reread this excerpt over again because it was so inspirational. The last part of that quote, “so that something else can be embraced” struck a chord with me. The changes in life, where you realize that what you have become comfortable with is not longer, happen so that something else can be embraced. These new changes are making space for something else to throw your arms around and rest in the comfort of its warmth. This is just beautiful to me, a person who dreads change, who constantly idealizes the past and who longs to go back to the good ol’ times. I am constantly restless in the present, refusing to accept and settle after the big change. The fact that this often dreaded change makes room for something else just as important, just as comforting, just as secure and above all deserving to be embraced brings me so much hope and contentment.